


(Un)holy

by milkbreadcat



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Catholic Guilt, F/M, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Karasuno Family, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:54:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24777229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkbreadcat/pseuds/milkbreadcat
Summary: To give it a name was to give it power, and neither were ready for that. So, behind doors they stayed. And his parents were so happy, how could they not be? Their son was dating the perfect girl, in a relationship free of sin.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Oikawa Tooru/Sugawara Koushi, Sugawara Koushi/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 55





	(Un)holy

The rules had been very clear when they started out, it had to stay between them no matter what. It wasn’t just to avoid rumors, or making Oikawa’s fan club mad, no, it was for safety. What they were doing was wrong, so their sin had to stay chained to only them. Neither of them had planned for it to escalate this much either way. At first it was simply friendship, I mean, friends could call each other hot and touch in a friendly matter, it was enough. But the closer they became as friends, the more intertwined their relationship got. But they never put a title other than just friends on their feelings. To give it a name was to give it power, and neither were ready for that.

The competition between school volleyball teams was intense, and sure friendship was normal (see Hinata and Kenma,) but relationships were an unspoken no go. He had even seen it with his seniors, taking the setter spot a little early in his first year because Karasuno’s old setter had been found making out with Nekoma’s captain. And while he doubted Ukai would kick him off the team, and he didn’t even have a year left, he didn’t want to take chances. Neither did Oikawa, knowing being kicked off his high school team would follow him to university, causing him to lose his first year starting position that was so hard to come by. So, behind doors they stayed.

First it was meetings with their teams, and maybe training afterwards together. Then it grew into visiting each other at home, usually Oikawa’s because unlike Suga, he didn’t have a billion siblings. Everyone around them knew they were just friends, but some started suspecting they were closer than just that, that being Daichi and Iwaizumi. The two knew their best friend would never tell anyone, wanting the best for them was kind of their job as best friends, but even the thought of their judgement scared them.

Then, he met Mina. Suga and Mina’s families went to the same church, where they had met, and knowing both their kids were single, set them up. Unknown to both their families, Suga had already fallen for Oikawa. He didn’t have any choice though, because unlike Mina’s family, who were accepting of anyone, he knew his would cast him out the second they found out he even thought of a boy romantically. Family was everything to him, something that was very clear by the parent role he played on his team, his second family.

Every Sunday, unless he had an important match (but even that took some convincing for him to be able to attend in place of church,) Suga would sit through car rides of his family criticizing other families for their failures as they head to and from church. Some days it was if someone’s kid had a tattoo, others it was if their kid came out as queer. The conversations surrounding queer folk was always the worst, where Suga was forced to quietly agree as he felt a feeling of dread creep up. Since he was a kid, he always knew what his parents thought of gay relationships, that they were sinful and unholy. And yet, if it was really wrong, why did people have these feelings in the first place? Surely God would see them suffering, and show them the way to peace. So why didn’t he?

He tried everything to stop the thoughts, it’d just be easier to stay friends with Oikawa, deal with Mina and focus on graduating high school and getting his degree to teach with no drama. But the thoughts just wouldn’t stop, no matter what he did. He tried stopping contact with the other setter, but within a week the gnawing feeling in his stomach grew, feeling of ignoring him making it worst than the guilt of thinking of dating a boy. He tried avoiding the dreams, but it just ended up with him passing out at training from a lack of sleep, which gave everyone a small heart attack. He could hide everything behind his usual lovable sarcastic, spunky manner all he wanted, but everyone knew something was up. They just figured it was stress from choosing a university, well, all of them besides Daichi.

Even focusing on his girlfriend instead of Oikawa didn’t work, the thoughts just wouldn’t stop. At first, he would have given everything to make it stop, but now, he knew he couldn’t lie to himself anymore. The feeling butterflies he got being near him, or even from a single text, they were real. He liked thinking of Oikawa, and some days, those thoughts were what got him through his day. There was no saving him from falling now, and he wondered if losing his chance of Heaven later would be worth for a shot of (what felt like) Heaven now.

Soon after being set up, Suga and Mina’s parents started sending them out on dates, and even suggesting they have sleepovers (and planned them behind their back, where they always landed on Friday nights, the same night Suga reserved for sleepovers with Oikawa.) But he wanted his parent’s love, so he played through with his role. The dates, the sleepovers, everything, sacrifices and all.

Meanwhile, Oikawa tried to find a way for this to work out, feeling nothing but genuine love for the other setter. They tried meeting, but between training and the forced dates, time never matched up. And they couldn’t talk on the phone at home, because Suga’s house was always busy, full of people who could overhear, even at night. The longing was draining him, and while he was great at pretending to be fine, Iwaizumi could always see through it. He had no choice but to spill to his best friend, who promised to take it to his grave, or at least until Oikawa felt safe enough to tell others.

The two texted through their feelings, it took a couple of days, and guidance from Iwaizumi on Oikawa’s side. Soon, they realized they were both feeling the same thing. Yet, Mina was still there, unaware. Or at least, unaware to a degree. She could see something wasn’t right, she knew what love looked and felt like, and while Suga tried, she knew he wasn’t fully there. Something was missing. When they cuddled, held hands, went out to eat, laid together, he wasn’t present.

It all came out one day though, while they slept over at Mina’s house. Hand in hand, Suga started calling out for Oikawa in his sleep. It wasn’t even a surprise to her at this point, she knew something was wrong when it all started, everything felt picture perfect, and love wasn’t like that. When she brought it up, Suga broke and told her everything. She became his confidante, it was ok, she understood what was going on. Sure, it hurt a little, because she could’ve seen herself falling for him in the long run, but wasn’t there yet, so it didn’t hit her as hard as it should’ve. And Suga was a nice guy, the fact that his family would cut contact with their kid for something as simple of this offended her.

Knowing he needed the safety at least until university, the two agreed to fake date. They would tell each other everything, supporting each other through everything, and she would be there when he felt ready to tell his family. There was only a couple rules, he had to be honest with Oikawa as well, tell Daichi what was going on (because clearly his best friend deserved to know, and having met him, Mina knew he would keep quiet for Suga,) and that Suga had to consider being truthful to his family sometime through university, where he would at least be away from everyone.

So, the dating in secret happened. Mina and Suga would go out, and Oikawa would meet up with them, Mina using the date money given by their parents to take herself out, while Oikawa and Suga spent time together. The three made sure no matter what, they were within distance of each other in case they ran into anyone they knew. It was the best they could have until university.

When they laid in each other’s arms, still being forced by family to have sleepovers, it felt lonely. No matter how far they got, he always ended up stuck with Mina in his arms, even with her near, it was lonely. Even if they were friends. He would give anything to be with Oikawa, in his arms, even if their ceiling was covered in glow in the dark stars. Sure, hanging out with Mina felt like one big friend hangout, he longed for what was but an arm’s reach away.

His parents were so happy, how could they not be? Their son was dating the perfect girl, in a relationship free of sin, and he was set to graduate and head off to university. Sure, he had failed by losing his setter position to someone younger, a fact that his family never failed to forget or bring up, but this made up for that failure to them. If they found out how he felt for Oikawa, something they deemed unholy, and that this was all a ploy, it would break their heart. But there was no way out.

The two were in love with each other and Mina, Iwaizumi and Daichi could see it clearly. They could only wish others could see how happy the two were and how good the relationship was for the couple. Suga was finally doing something for himself instead of putting others first, something Daichi had wished he would do for ages, and Oikawa found someone who loved him for who he was, not for the act he put on or his popularity, which is what Iwaizumi wanted for him. How could something that made them both feel safe and like they were on cloud 9 be anything but holy?

When Suga’s parents decided to throw a graduation party, Mina’s family was invited instantly, along with Daichi and Oikawa, to make sure Suga stayed at the party and that he and Mina didn’t do anything. So, while the families got together, Suga, Oikawa, Daichi and Mina were told to go hang out in Suga’s room. They did, just not as planned. Suga and Oikawa curled up together, happy in each other’s arms, as they talked to Daichi and Mina, who stood near by, happy for their friend and his boyfriend. When someone came up to get them for dinner, spots were switched so Mina and Suga were holding hands as the four talked.

The last day of training came, Suga knew he had to come clean to his team, there would be no loss now. Oikawa took off from training a little early, simply saying he was going to pick up his boyfriend (which no one even blinked at, though he never stated who his boyfriend was,) and when he showed up, the team was startled. But once it was explained, everyone was accepting (even if Tanaka and Noya threatened to beat Oikawa up if he EVER hurt their friend.) Nothing bad happened, his second family had his back, no matter what.

When it came time to move for university, the two boyfriends signed up to be roommates. Mina and Suga decided it was time to break up, the two telling their parents they broke up because they were going to different schools, and wanted different things. Mina’s parents took it well, respecting their choice, but Suga’s didn’t. Because of that, Suga decided it was better to just cut ties with his family now, knowing if anything happened, he’d still have his friends and volleyball team to support him. When he and Oikawa moved for university, the day after Suga’s parents found out about the breakup, they made sure to move everything he didn’t want to lose if his parents threw his stuff out (which they did after Suga came out after everything important was moved.) And through it all, they supported each other, making sure they were both happy and healthy. And between school work, his found family and new friends, Suga didn’t find himself missing his family very often. It was healthier to be with people who loved him for who he was, instead of for who he could be.

-

“Hey Oikawa,” Suga whispered, pulling away from his lover’s chest, “you’re my wishing star,” he finished, voice full of love.

“And you are my North star,”

**Author's Note:**

> Will I ever stop using brackets in my titles? Hopefully. Welcome to this installment of me projecting the classic Catholic guilt I learned to have in school onto Suga, the poor soul.


End file.
